Being a Survivor

This post is dedicated to Nettie and her children

When I was a very young person, pre med at Harvard, I started watching the television show Survivor. I remember being thrilled by the ability of humans to survive, and even thrive, under the worst of conditions. 

I had had a hard run as a kid and was inspired by others who made something of this life with little to start with.

Those that do thrive, find places inside of themselves to journey. When we relinquish the right to physical comfort, and accept that the answers are always inside of us, we transcend discomfort.

Survivor, as a show, illustrates this process. The players who do make it, transcend their bodies, grow their souls and elevate their capacity to tolerate physical pain, social isolation, fear, lack of sleep, lack of food.

I never owned a television but I watched the show faithfully for 12 years, on late night study breaks, my laptop perched on my knee, a CBS pop up, a fuzzy five inches by five inches, enough that I could track the triumphs and the losses of a group of humans, stranded in the wilderness, learning to fend for themselves and still build real and sustainable bonds. People challenged physically and psychologically, to not just survive. To thrive. 

To some extent, I saw my academic career the same way….by the time I reached fellowship, I was competing with the nations’ graduates for only 6 positions nationwide in integrative oncology, and only one in Philadelphia. 

I had to not give up, not ever, not for nothing. 

There were times where I slept in my car or in the library, there were times where I relied on others for meals, there were times where I was sick and there were times I failed. There were a lot of successes in my academic life but to make it, I made significant personal sacrifices. Throughout, there was a deep sense of loneliness in my ambition to be the best at what I do.

I haven’t watched the show in quite some time, but I had an accident last week and had to stay home. It was powerful for me to see how the show has continued to evolve and yet focus on the same message….there is, at all times, the possibility of transcending discomfort, sometimes it’s through the power of your will, and sometimes it’s because of those who walk with you.

If you can, go to CBS, Survivor, Season 40, and watch the first couple of episodes. They have brought back the season’s greatest players to battle each other. In Episode 4 of this season, they highlight Ethan, a boy that won Survivor when I was just a girl. Since then, he has battled cancer. It is a miraculous testament to the human spirit to see him play this episode. 

I cried as I watched this episode and I thought of all of you. Especially now, where although many of us are at home together, many more of us are isolated, and feeling very alone.

I thought…there will be times in all of our lives wherever we are on this journey where we think, “I can’t take one more step. I give up.” 

And part of our mission as a team to do is to have the conviction to look straight in your face and say, “Don’t give up. Not ever. Not for nothing.” 

Even if you are moving towards your last breath, it is your will to survive that those you leave behind remember, and it is your fight that is the enduring testimony of your love. And for many of us, for most of us, miracles will and do happen. 

And we will not just survive, we will thrive. 

Dr. Roy